Eye-poppin’ festive fun!

blark

As Santa starts to fill his sack and ready the sleigh, dire festive film 2 of 3 is discussed.  *SPOILERS* Its terrible.  Really, really terrible.  It’s Black Christmas. Not original. The remake. The terrible, terrible remake. So, bake yourself a batch of flesh-cookies and hang another string of eyeballs on the Christmas tree. There’s also a Horrible Bosses 2 review and Jones finally learns where maple syrup comes from after all these years…

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And! ANNNNND! If you love terrible Christmas movies, check out our compadres who are joining us in reviewing 15 Days of Bad Christmas Movies:

Stinker Madness – www.stinkermadness.com – He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special

Misan[trope]y – misantropey.com – Santa With Muscles

Dark Corners – www.youtube.com/LondonComedyWriters – Don’t Open ‘Til Christmas

If We Made It – ifwemadit.blogspot.com – Silent Night Deadly Night 2

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Dead? No. I just hurt my back, I’m not dead.

jacob-s-ladder-original

It’s another multi-sensory outdoor spectacular this week, featuring special guest presenter THE WIND, who seems intent on making everything completely inaudible. If only we could have foreseen that it might be windy by the sea… Between the blustering crackles come reviews of brainless action bollocks The Expendables 3 and psychological horror Jacob’s Ladder. And nestled between the reviews like a stray peanut that’s fallen into an ample cleavage there’s a fabulous Sylvester Stallone quiz. So, grab yourself a 99 cornet and apply the sun cream because we’re taking you to the beach to talk films and be mildly intimidated by seagulls for THE JT MOVIE PODCAST, EPISODE 63!

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They were definitely dead… but they came back to life!

Versus

Another week, another two films, another uncontrollable laughing fit that needs to be edited out of the podcast…First up this week it was a trip the cinema to see everyone’s favourite man-beast The Rock star as Hercules. But no ordinary Hercules, this is the film that debunks the myth by making the titular character less ‘son of a God’ and more ‘everyday Joe’. So I guess it is the ordinary Hercules. Like if Superman was just ‘Man’. Anyway, after that Jones’s knowledge of the aforementioned Dwayne Johnson is put to the test with 5 gruelling questions on the man formally known as Flex Kavana. Or was it Rip Bullwinkle? Or Shred Stevens? Then we move on THE VAULT. And this week its supernatural undead yakuza action horror fantasy nonsense Versus. So, find a clearing in a forest, watch the dead rise, kill them again, eat a heart, punch a hole clean through a man’s head, run away, come back, pay no attention to continuity or a structured narrative and achieve all of this on e budget of around 11p before DOWNLOADING THE JT MOVIE PODCAST, EPISODE 61, NOW!

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Your mother sacks cooks in Hull!

theexorcist

It may be the holiday season, but the boys at the JT never take a vacation from churning out a crappy…I mean, erm, awesome podcast. First up Taylorson offers a quick opinion on the newly-released animated sequel How To Train Your Dragon 2. And then its crunch time. Jones loves The Apes. Taylorson – not so much. They’ve both seen Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, but what will they think. Will anyone survive? And what will be left of them? But this week THE BULK of the podcast is dedicated to the 1973 demonic possession classic The Exorcist. So, utilise a crucifix in an unorthodox manner, undergo horrendous medical tests, regurgitate a can of pea soup, levitate, gyrate and then turn your head 360 degrees before DOWNLOADING THE JT MOVIE PODCAST, EPISODE 59, NOW!

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It’s in the trees! It’s coming!

night of the demon A1-001 copy

It’s a somewhat echoey podcast this week as a demon disrupts the usual sleek and smooth recording process.  That or a missing pair of headphones.  I’m going with demon.  First there’s the superhero equivalent of a testimonial match with X Men: Days of Future Past.  Chippy little midfielder / telekinetic mutant  James McAvoy causes trouble down the left wing before sliding a through ball to star strikers Forgetto and Rumbler.  And then on to THE BULK of the podcast as the chaps brave a discussion about 1957‘s Night of the Demon. So, take a midnight walk through a cursed forest, ignore a pretend Indian, publically experiment on a comatose prisoner and pass some runes to the nearest clown before DOWNLOADING THE JT MOVIE PODCAST, EPISODE 51 NOW!

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Azazel? Gesundheit!

This week, the chaps manage to just about overcome the challenges of communicating over an internet connection about as reliable as two cups and a length of string. There’s a review of the action cop drama thriller thing Sabotage, complete with far too many terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. Then there’s some musings on the issues of the day before THE BULK of the podcast which is dedicated to the 1998 demonic revenge police killer thing Fallen. So, strut to the gas chamber, embrace a refreshingly different domestic situation, grow a remarkably thick moustache, sing a song o’ Satan and don’t trust any cats before DOWNLOADING THE JT MOVIE PODCAST, EPISODE 49, NOW!

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Do you read Stephen King? I mean, Sutter Cane?

in-the-mouth-of-madness

This week on the JT movie podcast, there’s something for all. Except small children and the hyper-sensitive. There’s nothing for them. From the cinema there are reviews of by-the-numbers action thriller Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit and delightful debauchery epic The Wolf of Wall Street. There’s a look back at nuclear apocalypse drama The Day After and CCTV operator drama Red Road. There are passing mentions for the bizarre Troll, the amusing Airplane, the disappointing-to-some The Incredible Burt Wonderstone and the retrospectively grubby Batman Returns.  But THE BULK of the podcast is dedicated to the 1994 horror masterpiece In The Mouth Of Madness. So, read a book, have a nightmare, take a road trip to a fictional town, pass a funny man on a bike find a terrifying church, watch the man from the painting in Ghostbusters 2 shoot himself, try to escape, fail, go insane, axe a teen, escape an asylum and head to the cinema before DOWNLOADING THE JT MOVIE PODCAST, EPISODE 34, NOW!

Click to listen via LibsyniTunes or Stitcher Radio!